Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Mustaches, Butts, and Freddy Krueger

It's been a while since I have updated this blog, so I thought I'd share a few funnies from last week that never made their way to Facebook.

Girl 1: "Teacher, can I go wash my arm?" (It was covered in marker drawings. Without bothering to pay attention to what the drawings were of, I nodded my head. When the girl returned, I heard giggling, then her explanation to those sitting next to her):
"She wrote "butt" on my arm. She LITERALLY wrote "BUTT" on my ARM!"
Literally, folks. It was a travesty. I about died laughing.

A few days ago, a student wrote on the board: "Rainbows + Ponies = Miss Jardine"
Me: "Does that mean that I'm really nice?"
Her: "Yep!... And you have a tail!"
Someone please explain that one to me... Haha.

Several weeks ago, a kid came up to me: "Teacher, I'm growing a mustache, look!" Nope, 3rd grader... Nothing. Not even blonde little hairs. But I smiled, congratulated him, and got back to what I was doing.
Same 3rd grader, later that day: "Teacher, I'm related to Freddy Krueger."
Me: "Oh, yeah?"
Him: "Yeah, he's my cousin. I don't get to see him that much. Usually just at my nana's."
Later that day (whining): "Teacher, he's saying that I'm not related to Freddy Krueger!" At which point I sympathized, and we moved on.

Today, that same kid comes up to me:
"Teacher, I realized how I'm related to Freddy Krueger!"
Me: "Oh yeah? How?"
Him: "My dad's name is Michael Myers!"
It's only funny because it's true. However, I don't think he realizes that the two are not actually connected. Hahaha!

I am so glad that my job has it's share of laughing moments, because if it didn't I would not be surviving this school year.

Monday, February 10, 2014

I Need Kids and a Boyfriend.

Today after school one of my super crazy (but oh so lovable) little students came up to me, grabbed my face between his hands and asked me... "Teacher, when are you going to have kids? And a husband or boyfriend?" This whole scenario was made all the better by the fact that the entire time he was asking me this he was squishing my cheeks and shaking my head back and forth, all while his face was slightly closer to mine than is comfortable. (That's the real reason teachers never sit down, because that's when the students can reach you. Then things get weird.)

All I could say was "I don't know, bud. I'm working on it."
Him: "Oh, I know! I could be your boyfriend!"

Hahaha. My kiddos are so concerned about me! Gotta love it. :)

Thursday, February 6, 2014

I Just Can't Help Myself!

I had my new favorite teaching moment ever today. In science, we were talking about forces, and how every force is a push or a pull. Then we played charades, and the kids had to say whether each thing acted out was a push or a pull. They were not being very well behaved, and things were getting a little loud and out of hand. (I know... charades is supposed to be a silent game, but I'm pretty sure my class doesn't know the meaning of the word silent.) Anyway... I thoroughly chewed them out for their behavior, and finally when things were starting to calm down, one kid lets out this giant fart.

Now, It has been ages since I have laughed over something like that. Normally bathroom humor is just not funny to me. However, call it extreme lack of sleep, or maybe just the stress of 3 observations in a day and a half, recess duty, a fire drill, and guest teachers making my schedule wonky.... Whatever the cause, I completely lost it. I was laughing SO HARD. The kids tried to hold in their chuckles until I lost it, then we were all just laughing together. (Thankfully the culprit was not embarrassed. He was laughing along.) It was incredibly hard to compose myself. The kids were telling me: "Miss Jardine, you're the teacher, you're not supposed to be laughing!" So finally, I pulled it together. But right as I did, my little smart aleck kid informs us that: "That was a push!" I lost it again. Then, my super quiet kid who never shouts out, goes... "There was a lot of force behind that!" Oh boy. I literally laughed to tears. The kids thought that I was crying.

All I can say is... 1) I must be an awesome teacher, since my kids are able to apply things to their real lives so well. ;) And, 2) I am so happy that my observations were already over with. I don't think I would have won any professionalism points there.

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

You Learn Something New Every Day!

Sometimes there is great comedic relief in grading things written by 3rd graders. I just wish I could crawl inside their little brains sometimes. Mostly because I think that life would be incredibly entertaining. This is the most fantastic thing that I (or rather, Samantha) have ever had the pleasure of grading.

Just in case you cannot read it:
1. The biggest structure people have ever built is the "great wall of china." (True. And found in the reading.)
2. The Great Wall is "long" miles long. (So close!)
3. "Blacks in U.S" were used to make the wall. (Sometimes you have to change a word here or there to make your fill-in-the-blank answer actually fit in the blanks.)
4. The wall runs along "hills in China" (True-ish)
5. The wall was built "with people in it." (It was supposed to be "without" machines. I guess these can be open to interpretation.)
6. The wall was built to keep out the "blacks." (Not barbarians. Naturally, blacks makes more sense.)
7. There is a watchtower every "miles" yards. (That almost makes sense!)

I died. This was so funny. I think someone got a little confused about Martin Luther King, Jr., and the Civil Rights Movement (last weeks' social studies), and Chinese New Year (this week). But I loved it. More than I should have. :)

I'm a Genius!

A guy from the district came to teach science to my class today. In his intro he was talking about Isaac Newton and the 3 Laws of Motion. He told the kids that Isaac Newton was a scientist, and he was a genius. One kid raised his hand and asked: "Like Miss Jardine? She's a genius!"

Best part? He wasn't even one of my suck-ups. That means it's true, right? ;)

Sunday, January 12, 2014

New Life Plan

On Monday (Jan. 6th), as I was doing observations for my English Second Language (ESL) endorsement, the teacher was talking about college. One of the 4th grade boys shouted out: "I don't want to go to college. I'm gonna stay home with mom and dad."
Teacher: "You are? Do you never want to get married and have children either?"
The kid thinks for a second, and then finally replies: "Well... I can adopt them."

I couldn't help it. I laughed pretty hard.

This sounds like a grand life plan to me. I think I'll just keep living at home forever. Who cares about marriage? I can still have a family through adoption and we can all live happily in my parents' house, right..? Oh, I love what goes on in the minds of children. :)

Friday, January 3, 2014

Miss Jedi?

Today I was doing some observations in a 4th grade class at another school for my English Second Language (ESL) endorsement. One of the other 4th grade teachers introduced me to her class and I told them that my name was Miss Jardine (long "i" sound in Jardine). Some of the boys started giggling, and one of them goes: "Miss Jedi?"

The best part is that their  teacher encouraged them to actually call me that, and told them how much I would undoubtedly enjoy it. I would probably really embrace it if I were a bit more of a Star Wars fan, but I still thought it was cute and they could not stop giggling! But for future reference... that's Miss Jedi to you! ;)